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TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING: Muyiwa Afolabi – ‘YOUR AFTER EFFECT’

TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING – YOUR AFTER EFFECT

As mankind we do interact, I mean it’s natural for us to mix, talk, share, brainstorm, relate and do things together. That’s what co existing is all about. No one can live alone without contacting or connecting with anyone else; it’s absolutely impossible, we are not wired like that as humans; hence interaction is a basic way of life.

Also we are creatures with emotions, we have feelings; we express feelings, both negative and positive. We, on many occasions react based on how we feel. We make choices and decisions based on how we feel. In fact many times our lives are patterned more after sentiments and emotional direction than objectivity and reality.

Many relationships today still linger purely on emotions and sentiments; we get attached to people, environments, certain routines and even work types based on how we feel.

Many love affairs today and gender involvement is powered more by feelings than objectivity; hence they say love is blind.

When people are asked or required to get diplomatic, emotions is the consideration, when people are asked to choose their words carefully, emotions are involved.

Day in day out we live our lives managing the feelings and temperaments of the people around us and even ours.

We avoid people, places and events that could upset us. We gravitate toward people places and events that will engender positive feelings and emotions for us because ultimately in life, what we’re all desperately searching for is happiness. We all want to be happy; everything else is a means to this end.

You want a good job because it’ll make you happy, a good car to make you happy, a lovely house to make you happy, you want to look good to make you happy, you want a good spouse and a lovely marriage to make you happy, you want lovely children to make you happy, that promotion you desire is to make you happy, more money will make you happy, relevance in the society makes you happy, paying your bills in good time makes you happy, a secured future makes you happy, in fact the whole essence and promise of every religion is temporal and eternal security being guaranteed, this of course will also bring happiness so ultimately everyone daily is up and about in pursuit of happiness.

What determines your happiness may be different and even opposite to mine but everything we do is strongly connected to that emotion – happiness.

We are h-a-p-p-y, we are h-a-p-p-y should be our global anthem as mankind; I wonder who composed that song. Laughs.

If this is true and in fact the reality of our lives then I believe there is so much power in this insight and opportunities as well for any discerning individual.

Of course no man on earth is self-made. It’s impossible to be self-sufficient, as a human being you will always need other people. If you don’t need help from them, you’ll need support in your pursuit, if you don’t need their support, you will need them to celebrate with you. No one parties alone, partying and celebration is checked a good one when you have enough people to rejoice and celebrate with you.

If you need to progress and advance in life very quickly you need the help, support and backing of people. Even presidents need the support of their political parties and the electorate to succeed.

If and since what everyone is looking for is happiness, why don’t you my friend earn peoples support, love, admiration and loyalty by making them happy?

When you make people happy, they want to be around you, they want to come to you, they want to be with you.

When you dish out happiness, men will gravitate towards you. I’m not in support of infidelity but I think most men that cheat on their spouses today may be looking for happiness; most wives that cheat on their husbands too and are nasty, and caustic and rebellious and troublesome may be that way because they are not happy. The man may not be making them happy.

I believe the temptation to cheat is much easier to overcome when you lack any justification for it.

Dear friend, making people happy is not tantamount to doing what people want you to do all the time. Nope it’s very far from that.

In fact when you do what people ask of you always, they begin to find you irritating and weak. Some may exploit you, others will avoid you and many will use you. Making people happy is not doing what they ask always.

How then do you make people happy; your friends, colleagues, relatives, spouse, superiors and even employers? It’s simply in your after effect.

When you meet someone and you have a 2 minutes chat, how do you leave that person, better or worse than you met him or her?

When you enter a room and you spend a minute or two, how do you leave those you met in there, better or worse than when you entered – or indifferent to your visit?

You see, good will is powered by your ability to make people feel better after an encounter with you.

Good people, bad people, weak people, strong people, slow people, sharp people, hard workers, indolent ones, everyone wants to feel better after an encounter with you despite their varying natures and conditions.

When you interact with people, your body language, choice of words, approach on issues and tone of voice can make all the difference in their reaction and response to you irrespective of the subject matter.

For example, I can firmly express my displeasure to maybe a female employee over a task that has not been properly handled or delivered.

I talk; I can talk and I can go on and on just to drive home my point, I’ll ensure this employee sees my point and of course becomes somber and at times unhappy. But just before I walk away, I could turn to her and say, by the way, nice shoes. Of course the reaction is always the same, she would smile and say thank you sir and I’ll just walk off, making sure in my attempt to correct her I balance the emotions and don’t allow her go about her work and the office with negative energy after the encounter. She would know my reprimand is not a personal thing; it’s about the job and not about her person. And most times what I get is this employee going the extra mile to perform her tasks just to impress me.

Dear friends, don’t gloat over the fact that many of your colleagues or subordinates are afraid of you, can’t talk to you or cower when they see you. It’s not healthy at all.

Be nice, kind, respectful, approachable. Don’t relate or deal with people based on their current status or disposition in life. Respect everyone simply because they are human beings as even a day old baby deserves its own respect.

A couple of weeks ago an employee in an old generation bank saw me at a mall and began to tell me a story about her new boss.

According to her, she’s been working in this bank for about 19 years, she’s been very hard working and she’s got good experience on the job. But recently a very much younger banker was employed from one of the new generation banks as head of her team and this young man on arrival was being arrogant, rude, insolent and disrespectful – calling them old cargo and slow learners.

According to her, this young fellow was always comparing the new generation bank where he’s coming from to the old generation bank where he now works; mocking all the older employees, making them feel inferior and unwanted. In fact at times he threatens them with retrenchment.

Two days before she saw me at the mall, according to her, her first daughter who just concluded her service year in Lagos and secured a job with an advertising agency decided to bring home her fiancée for the very first time. When the gentleman arrived at the house, Lo and behold it was her mother’s new boss at the bank. I had a good laugh when this boisterous woman shared her story with me, please don’t ask me how they handled the awkward moment, I didn’t ask her either.

My dear friends choose to be nice, kind, considerate and respectful. Be firm yet loving. Treat everyone right and get your results. Being nice doesn’t take anything away from you, in fact it adds to you.

Leave everyone, every company, every team, every group every position, every task and everywhere better when you depart. Commit to a positive after effect. Enjoy your day

  1. TODAY ON FRANKLY SPEAKING – YOUR AFTER EFFECThttp://muyiwaafolabi.com/blog/Frankly-Speaking-With-Muyiwa-Afolabi/TODAY-ON-FRANKLY-SPEAKING–YOUR-AFTER-EFFECT1286.php

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Terfa C. Yar

I love listing you so much that last Saturday I wanted to attended one of your programmer but something happened and now I want ask when would the some last Saturday program come up again?